There is an important matter at stake right now, and I need advice from whomever's reading this. For those of you who don't know, ever since I was 13, I've been determined to have my name changed to something else other than Ivan Ngai Sum Sze. And now the opportunity to do so is finally available now I am "home", of legal age, and having been in the country for the past 12 months (it's part of the requirements to change your name, so I had to wait even after the immediate moment I turned 18). So now's the moment.

Before I go on, some of you might not know the reasons why nor the story behind this whole thing, and some of you might have already known it but have simply forgotten it. If you are one of those, the following two paragraphs would be what you need to know about what's going on. I have always hated my father and his side of the family. My father was a coward, worthless and pathetic man who hardly contributed anything to keep the family working. Things with my parents and the in-laws usually won't work out, and in the end, our families separated. My father did nothing afterwards to sustain me and my mother, but instead he ran away. My paternal grandmother has always been part of the problem with the arguments that goes on within the family, and after our families split up, she helped him covered his tracks so that he would not have to take care of us. All of this happened when I was around 3-4. That's the reason why I've never liked my last name/surname/family name/whatever you like to call it, and that's the reason why I would almost never use my full name unless for documentation or formal purposes, and that's the reason why I wanted to drop my family name.
I would not follow my mom's family name because her father was not a good man either and she was never all that proud of her family's history either. She even once said it herself, "all the men in the Cho family are worthless, only the women are those who are strong enough to struggle on their own and do well". To sum it up, let me just say that almost all the men in my family tree are either worthless cowards who are unable to do much to succeed or just simply jerks/a**holes/douchebags/etc. Most of my family tree is shattered, and I'd like to start all over. In this sort of situation, some people would rather not change their names and would rather retribute for the family name and make something good out of it. For my case, I am not too fond of that idea and I would rather start over. Therefore, I would like to change my surname to a completely new name. I would not be changing my name to some random last name and follow some random stranger's last name. I would like to start over, start my own family line, a new family name, and that's what I'm going to do.

Now the point of this entry isn't for me to ask whether anyone out there agrees with this idea of mine with changing my name, but it is to ask for advice, opinions, comments and suggestions for what I'm about to do next with the name change idea. Ever since I  was 13, I thought of using the name "Mordalfus". A completely fictional name that I got from a book called "Mattimeo" in the "Redwall" book series. There is no special reason why I chose to pick that name; I just like the name for the way it sounds and its uniqueness. However, despite how much I have mentioned this plan of mine to my friends over the past few years, it is until recently when I actually got the application form (I've been holding onto the form for the whole summer now because I need to first inform my mother of this decision of mine since I respect her and I was in HK for a month and a half with her during the summer) that I received a few negative feedback from people, telling me that it's a stupid idea (the name itself) and so on and so forth. It frustrates me at first that nobody said anything about it for all these years until now. And since I am a bit insecured and unconfident sometimes, I'm asking for as much advice as I can, as to whether I should stick with my plan of changing my surname to "Mordalfus", or whether I should pick an alternative name? If I should pick an alternative name, it would most probably be "Matthias" (love that name for a lot of reasons, even wanted it as a middle name, as well as naming a future son that name if I were to stick with Mordalfus) or something else (and that would require lots of planning and thinking all over again if that's the case). So in a nutshell, my final question is what would you think if someone had a family name/surname/last name, Mordalfus? Would you think it's weird or unique? Cool or terrible? Good or bad? This is very important to me since I'm talking about something that would be for the rest of my life, and I only have a short time to do this as I want to get this done before I graduate high school (in my last year of high school this year, remember?). I'd really appreciate it if you have read this all, respond to this entry and take the less-than-a-minute survey (if you really can't be bothered to reply directly, then at least take the survey). Please be honest and respectful. Thank you. :-)

Survey URL: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=Qwq32K8MX3pJTZHIW3f5Pw_3d_3d

On a random note, take a look at the date today, 09/09/09, special eh? Today is also special by the fact that it's the first day back to school for me, and I'm in Grade 12 now. It was not too bad and not that great, was just okay. It felt a bit weird to be back in school actually, especially with the issues I've mentioned in the blog entry that I posted right after school ended. But like I said, after all this time, I'm not gonna let all of my problems get the best of me this year since it's my second year in this school as well as my last, and last in high school overall. I'm trying to keep having faith that this year's gonna be a good year. :-) Anyways, for the first semester I have, Math - Data Management (i might drop out or switch out of it since me and math don't go well, especially if it's first period...), Writer's Craft (a special english class that focuses on writing skills, something that I want so to sharpen my writing skills; the teacher seem really stern though and i don't like that), Philosophy, and Biology. Let's hope everything goes well with school.

An undate on my 5-week journey to Hong Kong from July 17 to August 24, visiting friends and family, and I have quite a lot to show and talk about now that I'm back. If I were to describe my feelings for everything about my stay in HK, it would be the word, "change". Because while I was there, I saw that a lot of things have changed and I knew it the moment I saw my siblings again. Oh, how they've grown! They're taller, bigger, and just simply...different. For example, their hands have grown larger than the last time I held them. Ever since I've moved out and my family has moved to a new, better and safer apartment, they've grown a lot more independent and they know how to take care of themselves now. Heh, children are always the easiest way to measure the changes in life. Speaking of the new apartment my family has moved to, my family seems to be doing a lot better over the past year. Family has been gaining some extra money from stocks my stepdad had invested. They've moved to a much better apartment (bear in mind that about 90% of residence in HK are apartments, space cost a lot there). My stepdad's company provide a car for him since they promised a raise a long time ago and now they're giving him a car instead of a raise to make up for it, and it's even a Mercedez-Benz E-class. So everything's been going very well with my family and I'm very happy about that. It's amazing how so much change can happen in one year.

It was nice to see my family and how well they're doing, as well as the friends that I've made there and have loved  all along (they have different backgrounds, some were raised in HK, some weren't, but most of them weren't raised in the local Chinese culture because of their foreign backgrounds; so if only they were here instead of over there), and had a great time with them. You know, about two years ago, I once said and considered that if the happy things would stay the way they are, then I would give up my dream of "coming home" and stay there with the happiness I've found (in terms of friendship; the only problem I had with my life at that point besides the fact that I was away from "home" was my stepdad, but that's another long story for another day). But I never gave up on my dream of "coming home" because I thought that all of us were leave some day anyways, knowing that we're only there for indefinite periods of time (like i said, most of my friends were from other countries, who were just staying in HK for a indefinite period of time). So my stay there made me wonder about that thought I had two years ago now that I saw that things haven't changed and most probably won't change much any more now that the period of uncertainty while we were "graduating" is over... But in the end, I knew HK would never be my home because there are too many differences there for me to bear compared to what I perceive as my home. I wouldn't mind living over there for a period of time, but certainly not staying there. I'd say that I'm happy with the way things are right now in my life, to live my life at "home" in Canada and visit HK every so often (more like every year) to see my friends and family, so I won't be missing them TOO much. And that's the way it is, and I guess that's what's best, considering and knowing that one cannot have things both ways and in all the ways they want it to be.

Now before I go, a few of the best pics I took while I was in HK. You know where to find the rest of my album ("Revisiting HK 2009") for this trip: right here or on my facebook.

The Jumbo Floating Boat Restaurant
And while we were inside, having dinner, there was this throne thing and we took a bunch of pics there (actually, mom made us take a lot more since she liked the background, you should see the full album and you'll know what i mean). Here's one of them, a family photo:

Stanley district and the "Murray House" (a historical building) there
>

me and my friends up on Victoria Hill, aka The Peak




and the view up there:

Victoria Harbour at night:

EDIT: whoops, turns out i posted this a little bit too late to be 09/09/09 any more... :-(

It's been forever since I've updated my blogs, it's been half a year already and it's been far too long as this is the longest I have ever taken in updating my blogs. I'd say that it was mostly due to procrastination as when something I want to mention happens but I don't put it down immediately and I just wait till I feel like it, other things happen as well and as that list of things you want to talk about builds up, it just takes longer to type it up and post it, and so there would be even more procrastination. Actually now that I come to think about it, ever since my second semester started, I've been growing lazier as time goes by. I guess that's what happens when you're by yourself and no longer have your parents to constantly bug you and nag you over every thing you do at home. Heh, and I thought I had good self-discipline, guess I need to work on that then.

Anyways, I'm just gonna briefly go over all the important things that have happened since the last time I've posted.

First semester was finished by the end of January and I did reasonably well, got 78% in Anthropo-/Socio-/Psycho-logy (average 71%), 82% in Philosophy (average 78%), 63% in Math (average 73%; I think I'm done with Math for all now, not gonna take it next year), 80% in Biology (average 80%). My overall average was 75.8%, and if it wasn't for Math I would have gotten 80% which would be great, since I think the minimum passing grade for university is 75% (for overall average) and if you get over 80% for your overall average by the time you graduate, you'd get the Ontario scholarship for university and as your overall average goes higher, the higher your scholarship.
Second semester began in February and I had Phy Ed - Fitness, Physics, English, and a spare period. For Physics, I got 82%, English was around 70-74%, and Phy Ed was about 70%. Report cards would be mailed out later on but as far as I know this is what I should be getting. Second semester was quite disappointing really cause it should have been easy for me since there was only two periods where I was actually doing work. In fact, I think the semester might have been too easygoing for me, and so I simply got lazy and procrastinated and didn't do as well as I would have wanted to. I wouldn't have taken Phy Ed since it's usually not my type of thing but according to my guidance counsellor, I was missing a credit in a certain category and I could make up for it by taking an Arts, Economics or Phy Ed course, and so she recommended the Fitness course since it was suppose to be easy, and it kinda was. But once again, half of the time I wasn't so motivated and I skipped quite a lot of classes as well, so that explains my "meh" mark.
School is done as of June 24, and I can't believe it's all over so soon. It's been one school year already and one year since I've gotten "home", and I can't believe how fast time has passed. I feel like nothing much has happened and that I barely accomplished much in my personal life over the past year. To this day, I still haven't made any particularly good or close friends who are close enough to hang out and such, which is sad. After all, I was hoping for more fun, drama, excitement and "life" now that I'm back in "real" high school, but apparently everything just feels like a breeze of wind that's just passing by. Partly I blame it on fate, partly I blame it on myself. I'm not sure if I've mentioned this already but ever since I've gotten back, I noticed that I've been more shy than I would usually be. Somehow, for some reason, I feel inferior and somewhat lesser as if I'm not good enough when I see my other fellow Canadians because I fear people would see me different because I have been away from the country for 6 years, and this certainly doesn't help when I have always had low self-esteem/confidence issues. I understand the logic that if you believe and see yourself in a certain way, you will eventually become that even though you're not actually like that. Therefore, I've been more shy than I need to be, more quiet and slightly more awkward than the real Ivan is, and so people don't normally see the real me, but the loser verison of myself. It's silly and I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I can't help it. Knowing the problem is one thing, solving that problem is another. Though I am proud to annouce that I have been making improvements and I really hope that next school year would be far lot better than it has been this year. All the experience I've had with different schools tells me that it's usually by the second year that everything good solidifies, and I hope it would certainly be that way.

Speaking of Phy Ed and sports earlier, there's something else that I want to mention. On one of the last few days of school, floor hockey was played in Phy Ed. I can't remember when was the last time I played it since it must have been several years. But for the first time, I was actually tempted to join in and play cause I was genuinely interested (i usually sit out...our class is mostly a fitness class, we don't do sports that often, when we do, that's what I do...that's me, i'm a bad sport).
And then I remembered how much I used to like hockey. Hockey and baseball were the two sports that I actually had interest in as a kid. But like any hint of interest I might have had for sports, it died out while I was still a kid because of many factors, particularly due to the self-esteem/confidence issues that I've already had all along, as well as the influence of my grandma's character onto mine (since I grew up with her while I was 4-8, when a lot of character development occurs) thus making me uninterested in many things that I might have liked as a child. Ultimately, it makes me wonder, if I had the opportunity to develop my interest in hockey and if sports would have entered my world, what kind of person would I have been today? One thing I can't deny and that a lot of people would support is that sports does have an effect on one's self-confidence. And since I had terrible self-confidence to begin with, it was one of the many factors that set me back from trying harder. But if I was encouraged more, maybe it could have worked the other way around and would have boosted my self-esteem/confidence... :? Meh...

Now there's one more thing that's important and worth mentioning. During March Break, I went on a trip to Michigan. It was the first I've been in the US for several years now. What was I doing there? This would sound really silly but let me tell you something. For those of you who know me pretty well, I spend quite a lot of time on the internet and I sort of even have a life on the internet and have made a bunch of e-friends. One of them is someone by the name of DJ (DJ are his initials and what people usually call him) who is the longest e-friend I've made and possibly the longest friend I've had who I've kept in contact (I've known him since i was 13). Anyways, he's from Lansing, Michigan (the capital city of the State of Michigan) and his 18th birthday was at the end of March. So during March Break, I decided to make a trip to Michigan (to Lansing, and a short stop at Detroit while taking Greyhound) so that I could personally meet him at last, to sort of celebrate his birthday even though it's after March Break, and to also go on a little vacation of my own as well as visit the United States. It was great and I enjoyed it even though I only spent about 4 days there and that was it, but still it was a nice experience. I'm just gonna post some of the pictures I took during my trip, but not all since there's too much and I've got other pics to post as well. For the rest, check out the "Michigan" album on either my default blog as usual at http://spaces.msn.com/megastorm88 or for simplicity sake, http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=67208&id=810318538&l=6479e7aa93 on my Facebook.

the Michigan State Capitol at Lansing, Michigan:

Grand River from Frances Park in Lansing, Michigan:



me with DJ and his friend Ben, who I already knew

In Detroit (seeing is believing, wasn't impressed by that city, guess what they said was true):

Coleman A. Young Municipal Center, aka Detroit City Hall

the "Spirit of Detroit" statue in front of Coleman A. Young Municipal Center, aka Detroit City Hall

Detroit People Mover

Campus Martius Park in Detroit

Ambassador Bridge, one of the border crossing points between Canada and USA, between the cities of Windsor, Ontario and Detroit, Michigan

staring out to Windsor, Ontario, Canada on the other side of the Detroit River

Detroit-Windsor Tunnel, one of the border crossing points between Canada and USA, between the cities of Windsor, Ontario and Detroit, Michigan

downtown Detroit from Fort St W

downtown Detroit from Lafayette Blvd

downtown Detroit from Woodward Ave

Renaissance Center, General Motors World Headquarters, in Detroit (probably the only impressive thing in Detroit...)

And for those who are interested in the pics more than the things I say sometimes, here's some more. Last month was Open Doors Toronto, an annual event where about over a hundred historial, cultural, whatever significant buildings are open free to the public for visits. And it usually takes place on the weekend of late May.
I was only able to attend for the Sunday one and I only had time to go inside the Ontario Legislature at Queen's Park and City Hall, and that was it, oh well, it was still something and I still enjoyed my time. :)
Again, more pics on the "Open Doors Toronto" album on my default blog, http://spaces.msn.com/megastorm88 , and on my Facebook, http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=81178&id=810318538&l=434e6e2106  

the Ontario Legislature at Queen's Park

entrance to the legislative chamber of the Ontario Legislature at Queen's Park

inside the legislative chamber of the Ontario Legislature at Queen's Park

the Council Chamber at Toronto City Hall:

a model of downtown Toronto at City Hall

Hmm, so what else to be updated on...I'm going to Hong Kong from July 17 to August 24 to visit my family. I'm getting my driving lessons because Ontario laws say that I could get a shorter waiting period for my driving test for my G2 licence (G2 = probitionary licence, right now I have a G1 = learner's permit) and cheaper insurance in the future. Besides, I could use some lessons to get me more familar with driving. :) Um, I'm also thinking of finally getting my name change after the summer since that's what I've always wanted to do but if you remember my previous blog entries, I couldn't do it cause I had to be in Ontario for the past 12 months to do so. It has already been 12 months (like I said, it's been a year and a week or two since I've gotten "home", can you believe that?), but since I'm flying, I don't want to do anything yet. Besides, it's best to let my mom know beforehand as well, so yeah.
Well that's all the major things happening recently that I think deserves to be updated on. Hope that's enough information to make up for the 6 months or half year I was away, lol. Take care now. Hope your life has been as eventful, if not even more eventful. :)

Happy New Year, everyone! I hope everyone had a good year last year and may you have an even better year this year. For me, 2008 was a great, eventful, and meaningful year. Got a new laptop, new phone, bought an iPod, got to go to Japan, came "home" to Toronto, which also brought back good memories, and had good "endings" with my friends in HK (not as in our friendship are over, but as in things were great and warming before I left and even after i left, we're still doing good). It's been a year of new hopes, good evenings, new accomplishments, and good endings. Now I don't do New Year's resolutions because I don't believe in them cause from the way i see it, New Year's resolutions are only a spur of the moment thing where people only keep them in mind during the New Year's and after the "New Year's period" is over, it's usually completely forgotten, so for me, there's no point in doing it. But what I will do is state what I'd like to wish for in the new year of 2009. For 2009, I wish for a year of close and meaningful relationships, a year that's fun and eventful, with things taking on a new and fastinating approach. (it may sound like any typical greeting wish, but I'm specific with my choice of words on this one so it does mean something) What wishes do you have this for year and what are you looking forward to for 2009?

What I did above was a thing I'd usually do each year on my "diary" on my forum site that I mentioned that I have been on for the past 5 years, "vT" (just a short form of the actual name). And speaking of "vT", like I said before about how the loss of vT would hit me sooner or later, while it's starting to get to me. Now that vT's dead, it made me realize how much lonelier I've become since vT has always been my primary escape from reality or when I'm not able to do anything outside. vT also brought me a bunch of "e-friends" who I talk to when there's no one else to talk to but since I'm not close enough with some of them to have their contacts, I may never see them again now that it's gone. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted, but yeah...meh...

On the subject of loneliness and such, I just wanna comment on something about the relationships between people and how things change in terms of that as people grow older. I know, I know, I'm going on about the whole aging thing again but I wasn't quite done back there because there was another reason (among the many others, lol) why I've always hated growing up. Anyways, I've noticed that as poeple grow up, they seem to grow...colder as well...how should I put it...like colder in terms of relationships. Remember what I mentioned about the masks we all wear? Well in my opinion, it seems like these masks become more...well, concieving for some, as they grow older which makes it harder to actually personally get to know people. And it also seems like they don't make as much of an effort to maintain relationships with people. I think it's all because people become more self-orientated since they've grown up and are able to take care of themselves, so they don't rely on people as much. But then again, humans are social beings, and everyone's scale of socialization is different. Some are satisfy with how things have become when they have grown up. Some just don't care, and some are not satisify because they just don't seem to get enough of that closer and more relationships as they have experience or got to have experience, such as myself. And as I speak for myself, for people like me, when we don't seem to react much on this, it's not because we wanted or liked it to happen this way, it's just case we've gotten used to it.
Oh, and I also thought of something else I'd hate about adulthood, it's how people become busier and more occupied so that's mostly why they don't have as much time for other things. I mean for example, i have friends who have already started to work and it seems...well life seems to have become dull for them, no offence, since they ahve to work all the time and nothing else really happens any more. I call them up and ask them how they're doing and every time they seem worn out and...yeah. Working your ass off in an environment you might not necessarily like and be stuck in there for quite a repeative and long period of time and not necessarily have much of a choice on that either, can't imagine when one day i'd have to do something like that as well...
But oh wel, what can we do about it. It's life...you have no choice to accept it and move on with it. Just like how I've noticed that despite how much I hate the "adult effect", i can feel it slowly creeping onto me...I dunno

Enough of the down tone-ness. Once again, wishing everyone out there all the best as we all move along with the new year, our lives and whatever's next. God bless!

But let me tell you this, if she continued being her crazy self back there, disagree and cause a lot of trouble and problems for us, and I end up with another guardian instead...I will not talk to her and visit her again...Mind you, in case you forgot or didn't know, I am a person who plans to cut off his family name, and start a new family line because the majority of the members in my family tree...are screwed up! And for those who have never heard me mentioning this before, I plan on "Mordalfus" as my future last name, got it from a book so i won't taking some other guy's name, whatcha think of it? Seriously, I do love her because she's my relative and she took part in bringing me up (...and screwed up my early childhood as well as a part of my personality and character since a large portion of that develops during that time, which is why i'm so impressed at my mom after spending nearly half a century (mom's in her mid-40s now) with her and still maintains most of her sanity even if she has her weird moments...I love my mom!) and she's part of my life, but...it's just that sometimes, it's just so hard to remember why I love my grandma and why I'd still love her (my mom has the same curse, lol)...nonetheless, I still love her.

Now onto another subject. The title I'm using for this entry, "Nobody panics when things go 'according to plan'." Not only does it sound reasonable to relate to my current situation, but it was also a quote from the new Batman, "The Dark Knight". Yep, I watched that movie on the first day it was out, July 18th (yay!)! It was the first time I get to watch a movie back in the good ol' big-screen, loud sounds, Canadian theatres. And I gotta tell you...the movie was FRIGGIN' MINDBLOWING AWESOME! if you haven't watch it, watch it! I can tell you that it was sooo good that it has become one of my most top favourite movies, and now I can define what's one of my favourite movies whenever someone asks me "what's one of your favourite movies?" cause before, i couldn't give a clear example. but then again, i could be bias since Batman has always been my favourite superhero (i know, he has no superpowers, but that's the reason why I like him)...but it was a great movie, anyone could tell you that. so yeah, just before i go, i just wanna throw in my favourite poster from that movie

"WHY...SO...SERIOUS" hehe

 Happy Canada Day! Today's July 1st and it's my nation's 141st birthday. And it's also the first Canada Day I get to spend back in Canada after being away for 6 years.

 So yeah, you can guess where I am now. hehehe. Yep, I'm back in my good ol' Canada. back to the place where I was born, where I was raised, where I came from. There's so much going on in my head that I'm really at a loss of words right now and don't know where to start. So I think I'm gonna try to keep this brief and general because like I said, there's just too much going on in my head and I don't really know how to put down altogether. It's funny cause on the last day or two before I got on the plane, and even on the day I was on the plane, my feelings were neutral, I felt nothing. Wasn't happy, excited, sad, nervous or anything. I guess after the last couple of days of feeling upset, i got over that, lol. But then on the day after I landed, I was overwhelmed by everything I see. All the familiar places and things I saw. So much has changed, and so much has stayed the same. I'd say now I'm pretty happy and doing quite well. What matters is that I'm finally home.

 I'm currently staying at my grandmother's place before I settle down and find a place of my own. One of the first couple things I had in plan to do when I come back was to get internet and a cell phone number of my own. Those two were dealt with after the first few days. And I must say, the biggest thing I have a problem with is that I think the service providers here are just vampires that suck on your money. I mean, even though my parents are the ones paying with the auto-payment service through the credit card my parents have given me (yes, I have a credit card now; my parents trusted me enough to issue a credit card under my mom's credit card account for me to pay for things that were suppose to be paid by my parents, and trust me, I'll responsible with it), still I don't wanna make it hard for them. Afterall, rent (Toronto's a nice place, but rent within any big city's metro area will always be expensive), food, transportation (upon coming back, I just realized how expensive gas has become...afterall I can apply to get my driver's licence now, but I think I'll be sticking to public transportation for quite a while to come...), other fees (such as mobile phone service as mentioned, etc), etc, will be paid by my parents, not to mention there's taxes that you pay for everything you buy in Canada, in almost everything you buy, you have to pay for GST (Good and Services Tax, it's for the federal government, at 5% after the new government lead by the Conservative Party dropped it from the 7% that it was) and PST (Provincal Sales Tax, for the provincal government; in my province, Ontario, it's 7%), 12% together), so I really don't make it hard for them cause when you change all that from Canadian currency back to Hong Kong dollars, it's a lot. And that's the problem...I'm here, they're there; the money I spend here might not seem to be too much of a problem if we're earning Canadian dollars, but the problem is my main source of income would be my parents' income, which would be in Hong Kong money...That's why I would have to get a part-time job of my own once I'm fully settled down so that it wouldn't be too hard for them, and also to earn some money for myself for future planning. But like I said, right now I'm staying with my grandmother right now so I don't have to worry about spending money on food, rent or anything of that sort. By the way, damn, I feel rather ghetto right now cause I'm sorta matching the stereotypical description of being ghetto, typical asian in a typical western country, living in a typical ghetto community (my grandma lives in Scarborough, which is probably the district in Toronto that matches the most as being ghetto, lol) with not a lot of money (actually I have several hundreds of dollars of my own, money my mom left for first month rent and deposit when i find a place, plus credit card, etc). I should get out as soon as I can...but then again, staying here means I don't have to worry about food and rent yet, and plus, being in Scarborough can make me not look like a stranger while I'm slowly resettling back in the place, so yeah.

 Something that I had always wanted to do when I come back to Canada was to visit my old friends from back when before I left here. Well after waiting all these years, my friends are now in Grade 12 and graduating this year. So I had to visit them before they graduate and scatter away. So after much effort and several problems occur that have disappointed me along the way and have brought discouragement to me (such as not getting any replies after sending out messages to several people asking them for help or just the sightest bit of information, etc), thinking it wouldn't work, I managed to attend their graduation...there's a long story behind it all but I don't feel like typing it all down right now cause I'm feeling a bit tired. But you know at first i was feeling rather upset because i was standing in the back and in the dark, with the parents and the guests, while i heard my friends' names being called and seeing small little figures going up the stage and their shadows walking down and back to their seat. You know I could have been graduating with them and be standing up there, but shit happens and yeah...long story. After it was over, everyone was in the front lobby, talking, grabbing a drink, taking pictures...I felt like a walking ghost...In the end, I had to cut myself open and rip out my guts just to go up to one of them and say something...And they recognize me and were being friendly and such...It was awesome. Pity that by that time, a few people have already left so I was only able to talk to a few. But still nonetheless, it was an incredible experience and you have no idea how much that meant to me. So yeah, that's basically it. I've been overwhelmed with emotions of all sorts throughout this month. Upset, joyful, nervous, excitement, stress, freedom, etc. It's amazing, but in the end like I said, it was all good and I'm happy about it all. May it continue this way, not to mention i saw two rainbows on the day I came back to Toronto, now does that mean things would be on my side or what, lol, let's just hope it would stay that way. All the best, and God bless!

above, those were pics that were taken at the night of the graduation with my old friends. now below are pictures of the school i would have attended with my friends and would have graduated from if I've had stayed here and have never left...

NOTE: I'll post another entry later on to follow up on what I did for Canada Day and all, cause I did a lot on that day and took a lot of pictures, so yeah.

Okay, this entry is waaay overdue. I should have done this a long time ago but thanks to busy-ness (i don't want to use the word "business" or else people including myself might get the wrong idea, lol) and procrastination, it's been delayed for too long, but meh, better late than never right? *shrugs* anyways, I've got a pretty lot to say so brace yourselves, lol.

First of all, I just wanna mention something I left out in my last entry. Just to show you how concerned I was about our "graduation", I forgot to mention that March 19-22 was my 6th anniversary of leaving "home", Canada...(the 19th was when we left and the 22nd was when we arrived here; in case you're wondering, time zones and flight time affects a lot in time, lol). But it didn't really matter that much any more when I typed the last entry because the "graduation" and farewell was all that matter to me at that moment, and besides I'd be leaving soon. Oh, by the way, last week we finally booked my flight home. I'd be flying on Air Canada on June 16th, single-journey ticket, 14-something hours of flight, which is quite fast considering how my flight is a direct flight so I won't be stopping in Vancouver or Anchorage. We had to go for single-journey because it's now the hot season for flying, tickets are expensive, and since we booked our tickets late (wasn't entirely our fault, but I don't wanna go explaining the whole story as to why we waited till this late to book), they're even more expensive. >_< and when I go back to HK to visit my family, I can buy double-journey then and the prices wouldn't be as outrageous as the situation wouldn't be as tight as it has been for us now. oh, my bad, I forgot to mention that right now my ticket cost around $7000-something HKD, nearly $8000, which would be around $100 CAD/USD. now if I went for return-journey, it would be $14000-something, nearly $15000...which is way too much for us to afford, so yeah...Just one more month here, and I'll be gone...After 6 years, I'll finally be out of here...I dunno how I feel about this actually. I'm feeling both excited and nervous. Excited to finally leave, nervous cause I don't know what to expect. To be honest with you, I'm particularly nervous that I might get upset because after all this time of being away, my ultimate goal was to go "home"...but after being away for so long, what if things have changed and it all no longer feels the same and that I don't feel like it's "home" any more. Then what do I turn to? Where would I call "home"? the feeling of having your dream fulfill and shattering at the same time is a scary one. but meh, i dunno, just let it be....I don't really want to talk about this topic any more because it's making me feel weird so i better move on.

Second major thing that i wanted to talk about...I've got another job now! since I was done with school, I was applying for a part-time job during the weekdays to make my time a little bit more productive and earn a little bit more while I'm at it. and finally last month, i got the job at this hamburger restaurant-ish place. mind you, it's not some crappy place like mcdonalds, we're talking about restaurants that use quality stuff. and when you put them in places like HK, they're even more special. so I thought I could get a pretty good salary and I applied there...which I only got a moderate hourly pay rate (not gonna say it). anyways, i just started last month and i get to choose which days of the week i wanna work and i stick to afternoon shifts. so far I guess it's been alright. the first two hours feels a bit tense and weird since it's lunch hour and the busiest time during my job, and gave me second thoughts on it. but once i get past those hours, everything else is alright. everyone's pretty friendly and easy to get along with, just the supervising manager that's a bit...well, bossy, lol. so yeah. it's my second job ever!
as for what might my first job be? well I've been working in it since December last year and still doing it. a friend of mine who works in this high-end supermarket (again, not your average supermarket) found out that one of his colleagues from a different department needed to hire someone to replace the sunday shifts. and I gladly accepted it since it has a decent pay and i don't even need to do much, plus I only need to work on sundays, which doesn't interfere with my weekday schedule, such as school, at that time. i work as a promoter for this imported japanese green tea product, so i just make the tea, serve it, answer whatever questions customers ask, stand still and look pretty, and i get paid, so what the heck, lol. so yeah, right now, taking two jobs, earning some extra income on my own, i guess life's going along quite well. :-) *shrugs*

So yeah, those were the two major things that have been happening to my life recently. Another thing that's not as important is that I've finally finished with those HKCEE exams. (remember how I was telling you about them?...yeah) I did...uh....alright, lol. meh, good enough i guess. not that good, but yeah...good enough, lol *smiles*

You know what's been pissing me off recently...people. I'm pissed about how sometimes we care about people so much, their well-being, their whereabouts, etc. Yet sometimes other people just don't give a damn at all or even show any consideration, whatsoever. It also pisses me off that sometimes people don't think much about one another, yet sometimes we miss someone and they are just simply unreachable in some ways no matter how hard you try to contact them. Now I'm not saying I'm particularly any better, because I know I've made several mistakes in terms of communication with the people that are close to me, but still... I just wanna rant about...why is this so? For example, for the past month, while we've been done and out of school, I've been trying to contact people and figure a way to get us all together to do something. Yet the same situation that happened to us during the "graduation" and the planning involved in it, occured again and it just...doesn't work out all that well. And mind you, a lot of us are going our seperate ways (since like I said most people including myself, are going back to their homeland to continue on with their lives and studies). It seems like the more people there are, the harder it is to get along. I don't know if it's just me...(since I've had suspicions that maybe I just ain't good enough and that people just don't like being around with me even though i try to do what I can most of the time), or maybe it's just what they call a part of "growing up" (since from what I observe, as people grow older, they grow more apart from each other...maybe it's just that they're more independant or whatever the shit it is?; another one of my long list of reasons why I hate growing up), or maybe it's just humanity itself? I don't know. But speaking of humanity, I just wanna say that it's kinda ironic that humans are meant to be social beings and don't want to be alone, yet it's so hard for them to stay together. But meh...enough cynicism for now...

Okay, just for some small side notes. On Mother's Day, I took the day off since it might be the last Mother's Day I would be able to spend with my mom personally. I gave her this necklace that I had with me since last year when I thought I was gonna leave. Sorry but I didn't take any pictures of it before I gave it out, so yeah...but it was nice, she liked it and I liked it too. :-)
On another random thing, I watched Iron Man a couple of weeks ago (see, this is how delayed this entry is...) and it was friggin' awesome. It was so good that my mood went from down low that day to way up. I just love the feeling of being satisified after coming out of the theatre after some kickass movie. :-). btw, i've also fallen for the song "Iron Man" by Black Sabbath. I've always had the song all along in my computer since it was sent from a friend, but I never really listened much to it. but about a month or two ago, I saw the Iron Man trailers and it reminded me of the song and I tried it again...Loved it! :-D so as a tribute to both the awesome movie and song, I'll just temporary put up that song as my profile song. Well that's all there is I can think of to talk about for now. There might be more that I missed out, but i dunno. If I can think of any, i'll post it back up. The next time I'd be posting would probably be before I leave for Canada. *bites nails* lol. See ya!