But let me tell you this, if she continued being her crazy self back there, disagree and cause a lot of trouble and problems for us, and I end up with another guardian instead...I will not talk to her and visit her again...Mind you, in case you forgot or didn't know, I am a person who plans to cut off his family name, and start a new family line because the majority of the members in my family tree...are screwed up! And for those who have never heard me mentioning this before, I plan on "Mordalfus" as my future last name, got it from a book so i won't taking some other guy's name, whatcha think of it? Seriously, I do love her because she's my relative and she took part in bringing me up (...and screwed up my early childhood as well as a part of my personality and character since a large portion of that develops during that time, which is why i'm so impressed at my mom after spending nearly half a century (mom's in her mid-40s now) with her and still maintains most of her sanity even if she has her weird moments...I love my mom!) and she's part of my life, but...it's just that sometimes, it's just so hard to remember why I love my grandma and why I'd still love her (my mom has the same curse, lol)...nonetheless, I still love her.

Now onto another subject. The title I'm using for this entry, "Nobody panics when things go 'according to plan'." Not only does it sound reasonable to relate to my current situation, but it was also a quote from the new Batman, "The Dark Knight". Yep, I watched that movie on the first day it was out, July 18th (yay!)! It was the first time I get to watch a movie back in the good ol' big-screen, loud sounds, Canadian theatres. And I gotta tell you...the movie was FRIGGIN' MINDBLOWING AWESOME! if you haven't watch it, watch it! I can tell you that it was sooo good that it has become one of my most top favourite movies, and now I can define what's one of my favourite movies whenever someone asks me "what's one of your favourite movies?" cause before, i couldn't give a clear example. but then again, i could be bias since Batman has always been my favourite superhero (i know, he has no superpowers, but that's the reason why I like him)...but it was a great movie, anyone could tell you that. so yeah, just before i go, i just wanna throw in my favourite poster from that movie

"WHY...SO...SERIOUS" hehe

 Happy Canada Day! Today's July 1st and it's my nation's 141st birthday. And it's also the first Canada Day I get to spend back in Canada after being away for 6 years.

 So yeah, you can guess where I am now. hehehe. Yep, I'm back in my good ol' Canada. back to the place where I was born, where I was raised, where I came from. There's so much going on in my head that I'm really at a loss of words right now and don't know where to start. So I think I'm gonna try to keep this brief and general because like I said, there's just too much going on in my head and I don't really know how to put down altogether. It's funny cause on the last day or two before I got on the plane, and even on the day I was on the plane, my feelings were neutral, I felt nothing. Wasn't happy, excited, sad, nervous or anything. I guess after the last couple of days of feeling upset, i got over that, lol. But then on the day after I landed, I was overwhelmed by everything I see. All the familiar places and things I saw. So much has changed, and so much has stayed the same. I'd say now I'm pretty happy and doing quite well. What matters is that I'm finally home.

 I'm currently staying at my grandmother's place before I settle down and find a place of my own. One of the first couple things I had in plan to do when I come back was to get internet and a cell phone number of my own. Those two were dealt with after the first few days. And I must say, the biggest thing I have a problem with is that I think the service providers here are just vampires that suck on your money. I mean, even though my parents are the ones paying with the auto-payment service through the credit card my parents have given me (yes, I have a credit card now; my parents trusted me enough to issue a credit card under my mom's credit card account for me to pay for things that were suppose to be paid by my parents, and trust me, I'll responsible with it), still I don't wanna make it hard for them. Afterall, rent (Toronto's a nice place, but rent within any big city's metro area will always be expensive), food, transportation (upon coming back, I just realized how expensive gas has become...afterall I can apply to get my driver's licence now, but I think I'll be sticking to public transportation for quite a while to come...), other fees (such as mobile phone service as mentioned, etc), etc, will be paid by my parents, not to mention there's taxes that you pay for everything you buy in Canada, in almost everything you buy, you have to pay for GST (Good and Services Tax, it's for the federal government, at 5% after the new government lead by the Conservative Party dropped it from the 7% that it was) and PST (Provincal Sales Tax, for the provincal government; in my province, Ontario, it's 7%), 12% together), so I really don't make it hard for them cause when you change all that from Canadian currency back to Hong Kong dollars, it's a lot. And that's the problem...I'm here, they're there; the money I spend here might not seem to be too much of a problem if we're earning Canadian dollars, but the problem is my main source of income would be my parents' income, which would be in Hong Kong money...That's why I would have to get a part-time job of my own once I'm fully settled down so that it wouldn't be too hard for them, and also to earn some money for myself for future planning. But like I said, right now I'm staying with my grandmother right now so I don't have to worry about spending money on food, rent or anything of that sort. By the way, damn, I feel rather ghetto right now cause I'm sorta matching the stereotypical description of being ghetto, typical asian in a typical western country, living in a typical ghetto community (my grandma lives in Scarborough, which is probably the district in Toronto that matches the most as being ghetto, lol) with not a lot of money (actually I have several hundreds of dollars of my own, money my mom left for first month rent and deposit when i find a place, plus credit card, etc). I should get out as soon as I can...but then again, staying here means I don't have to worry about food and rent yet, and plus, being in Scarborough can make me not look like a stranger while I'm slowly resettling back in the place, so yeah.

 Something that I had always wanted to do when I come back to Canada was to visit my old friends from back when before I left here. Well after waiting all these years, my friends are now in Grade 12 and graduating this year. So I had to visit them before they graduate and scatter away. So after much effort and several problems occur that have disappointed me along the way and have brought discouragement to me (such as not getting any replies after sending out messages to several people asking them for help or just the sightest bit of information, etc), thinking it wouldn't work, I managed to attend their graduation...there's a long story behind it all but I don't feel like typing it all down right now cause I'm feeling a bit tired. But you know at first i was feeling rather upset because i was standing in the back and in the dark, with the parents and the guests, while i heard my friends' names being called and seeing small little figures going up the stage and their shadows walking down and back to their seat. You know I could have been graduating with them and be standing up there, but shit happens and yeah...long story. After it was over, everyone was in the front lobby, talking, grabbing a drink, taking pictures...I felt like a walking ghost...In the end, I had to cut myself open and rip out my guts just to go up to one of them and say something...And they recognize me and were being friendly and such...It was awesome. Pity that by that time, a few people have already left so I was only able to talk to a few. But still nonetheless, it was an incredible experience and you have no idea how much that meant to me. So yeah, that's basically it. I've been overwhelmed with emotions of all sorts throughout this month. Upset, joyful, nervous, excitement, stress, freedom, etc. It's amazing, but in the end like I said, it was all good and I'm happy about it all. May it continue this way, not to mention i saw two rainbows on the day I came back to Toronto, now does that mean things would be on my side or what, lol, let's just hope it would stay that way. All the best, and God bless!

above, those were pics that were taken at the night of the graduation with my old friends. now below are pictures of the school i would have attended with my friends and would have graduated from if I've had stayed here and have never left...

NOTE: I'll post another entry later on to follow up on what I did for Canada Day and all, cause I did a lot on that day and took a lot of pictures, so yeah.