Okay, this is a quite late delayed entry which I should have posted about a couple of days ago. But thanks to procrastination, this is what happens. Anyways, on Mar 19-22, it was my 5th anniversary of leaving Canada. For those that don't know my whole life story, these three days used to have a huge significance on me, I can never forget them because those were the days that changed my life. On Mar 19, 2002, me and my family got on a plane and left Canada for reasons which I cannot specifically tell you but I can tell you it was a very unwilling one. During Mar 20-21, we were on the plane (due to the fact that our flight was about 18 hours and the time zone swifts). And on Mar 22, 2002, we landed onto this side of the world. Every year, I used to get quite upset when it comes to these three days because I cursed those days that changed my life so much and made me experienced so many things that I didn't want to. But this year, I don't have much that effect any more. Probably it's because over the past year, I've managed to regain more of a social life and that I have friends now and I feel a lot better, relieved and cheerier. I'm glad about this and I must admit that throughout all the stages and environment-changes I've had (I'm kinda a jinx sometimes, I make friends with people after a long time of adopting and then I either move or people move away and then I have to start over) I would say this one is the most satisifying because I've the most friends now and more close and trusted ones than ever. Best of all, I've managed to find other things like...God. I've developed a much stronger faith now.

 

 However, good things don't last. I might be going back to Canada this year, at last. Before, I had my second thoughts because I know I would miss the people here a lot and along with a list of all sorts of other things. (like starting over, if things would still be the same back at "home", if "home" doesn't feel like "home" any more then what would I do, in total - disappointment and worries) But I must say, ever since the Chinese New Year ended, I felt like as if our school, our class, and my friends seem so dead, like zombies. I don't feel much warmth from them any more. Even two of my best friends don't talk much to me any more and it seems like they're complete strangers. I try to mend the relationships but one's effort isn't enough when it's something more than just one person, it takes everyone. I must admit, I don't like our school and it sucks...I only like the people in it. And that's why I used to enjoy coming to school. But things are no longer what they used to be and I hate this place. Which is why I'm no longer afraid to move on and go.

 

 The other day, one of my best friends (also mentioned above) was talking about another one of our friends who has left for more than half a year and yet he still mentions him. There I was thinking, would anyone care to remember me or even speak of me after i'm gone? And then I've been looking back into my diary entries (yes, I've an "offline" diary and I've been keeping one since I was a kid) of last year and I was thinking, "damn, what the hell happened?"...I would just like say shout out from the bottom of my heart to all of you, I can't deny how much I care, how much I miss you and love you. I'm sorry if I feel insecured and sensitive sometimes. But if you really care about me, you would have know that I'm like that and what made me become like that. I've learned that some of you might not care, no matter how much i care or worry, but I would just like to let you know that every one of you who has been in a part of a life, whether big or small, are very important and I love you. :)

 

 But before I end this entry, i just want to ask a few questions for reassurance. The reason as to all of this, is the problem in me? Am I descipable? Is that why all these things have been happening with everyone? Because I'm so sick and tired of getting cold shoulders and being ditched, left alone, and those stupid fucking attitudes while I continue trying to give that worn out smile to everyone. I've had it! Who am I to you? How significant am I? Once again, I'm sorry if I sound kinda emoish or whatever but you can choose to ignore this like so, I don't expect much. I was just ranting and bitching about things that had been happening in my life recently. Nonetheless, I hope you're doing a lot more better than me and God bless you all.

 

EDIT: i can think of all sorts of things to add on this entry like lyrics, pictures and all. But i'll keep this entry clean since there's just too much that I can think of,lol.