Hey! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Hoping you guys have having a blast and making out the best of Christmas with full Christmas spirit. Cause this year's Christmas must be the worst one I've ever had...Everything seems to be fucked up. Let me give you the list of shit that happened.

- There's church yesterday morning for Sunday morning, but there's no carolling for Christmas Eve's night nor were there any services for today even though Christmas Day is on a monday. And i wanted to sing and I also wanted to do something else other than stay

home.

- My siblings are sick (along with lots of other people I know; must be the sickness season), my parents briefly got into an arguement and that basically ruinned the mood for Christmas for the rest of the day. And they say I have a problem with my attitude sometimes eh, heh!

- We didn't went anywhere special today, as a matter of fact, we spend the whole day in our apartment and went completely nowhere. I actually thought of going to the carnival but we didn't in the end. My friend also went there and I was thinking of joining up but I had to stay with the family of course since it's Christmas. I did not intended for us to stay in our small apartment throughout the whole day and do

nothing but eat, sleep and watch TV. Hell, even going to the theatres alone would be satisifying enough for me to say that I did something for Christmas at the end of the day.
- There were no actual presents. And yesterday I bought my family something that the whole family could use, this cross which you can hang or display or whatever and it had a very meaningful message in it too. I even bought another card and I did all this and bought all this even though I used up way too much money for Christmas already. But in the end, I didn't felt like giving it out any more because nobody seem to care and the atmosphere didn't seem Christmas-ie any more.

 

 For all this, and other reasons which I may have skiped, this is why I don't like being with my family as much any more. I can't help feeling that it's gonna be crap because it is. I mean, whatever happened to the spirit of Christmas and the warmth that one is suppose to get. Cause I didn't felt that at all this year. It's Christmas, the season of joy and giving and yet it seems like the opposite and that everyone just dumps their shit on me. Hell, I put an effort for evrything this Christmas and not a lot of people seem to appreciate what I'm doing, especially my

family. I gave out more than a hundred cards and I've already spent a large portion of the money I got on my birthday. I dunno, I just feel like shit thanks to all this. Now I know there's a lot more to this whole than that what I have typed up so far in this entry. But I think that's enough information for now. I'll post a pic of the present I gave to my family once they actually open it.

 

 For all this, this is why I don't want to spend as much time with my family any more because I feel like crap. Honestly, I was thinking how it might have been better for me if I had went out on my own and probably go the the carnival with my friends. What made this Christmas so sucky is that I didn't feel any warmth nor the spirit of Christmas. I feel crappy that it has to be like this on Christmas.

Oh, moving on. There's also some pics of a Royal Navy ship which parked in Victoria Harbour for the last few days, again. btw, I also forgot to mention in my last entry about my birthdya that I also got something for my belated birthday which was 3 weeks ago. one week after my birthday, I received this large hardcover novel called "The Predator" by Patrica Cornwell from a friend. Must have been really expensive, I mean hardcover and all that, i'm impressed.

 

Well I think that should be all for now. I know there are other things that I haven't mention yet, I'll update later. However I feel better already because I've spoken with two of my friends before I posted this, so yeah. See ya later, again hope you have a Merry Christmas!

 

EDIT: Add pics of the present I gave my family. In case you can't read the text on the Cross, it says "As you are confirmed, come Holy Spirit, stregthen my faith and kindle my heart with fire. Help me meet the challenges that life may bring."

First of all, yesterday was our school's "Speech Day", it's like an open school day where you only go to school for half day and do nothing but entertain the guests. If you have to perform, you go up the stage and perform. If you have awards you're suppose to win from last year (such as for me, my award for being first of the class and second of the grade), you get to go up the stage and get them. (btw, did I mention that the whole thing has to be rehersed? it's crazy shit...i mean it's all set-up and so fake, we already had 3 rehersal before the final day and we did that so that "we would look good and not screw up" in front of the guests...fucking typical chinese society...). I find the whole event completely pointless so then I skipped school yesterday and simply stayed home, slept in and did all kinds of shit.

 

However that was something special that happened yesterday. My good friend, Francis Ryan Dangaran, the same friend I constantly mentioned especially the last entry where I stayed out at his house but did not mention his name, well it was his sister, Angel Camille Dangaran's baby baptism. You see, like most Filipinos (told you I hang around the Filipinos the most out of the "5 Big Clans" (Chinese, Filipino, Indian, Pakiastani, and Nepalese), I get along with the Filipinos the most because their culture is very similar to mine and they seem to be very friendly and sociable...I think they're probably the most happiest people in the world...) they're Catholics (not that it matters, we're all Christians worshipping Christ) so they would do those baptisms for their babies. Well I was invited to go there and then for this celebration party with buffet at this hotel. Of course I went that afternoon, but the most pitiful thing was that I was late. I had bad time management and I rushed to get there, 15 minutes late and didn't get a card or a present for them as I had planned. ANyways, turns out that I wasn't the only one late, Francis along with his other friends that he invited were also late because they had to bring the stroller for A.C. (that's what we call his baby sister). After the pleasant baptism, everyone were on their way to the hotel. THe girls and the Dangarans all got on the taxis and went there. While the remaining us walked and while we walked, I came along a church bookstore. Went in, got a card and me and Francis shared the money and bought a Rosary cross for a present. So we got that sorted out and went to the hotel. Had lots of food and we stayed there till 10:30pm. We even played this version of "Spin the Bottle", where you have to go a dare if the bottle points to you. Was quite fun but I stayed out of it for the most part. So yeah, good stuff.

 

 As for today, I went to my youth fellowship on Saturday and guess what? They gave me belated birthday presents. :) The Oconer family, the two Oconer girls go to the same school and I'm friends with them and they're family are really nice and all (I envy them for having such a..."perfect" (nothing's perfect but they came close) family), well they gave me a book called "Purpose-Driven Life" by Rick Warren. And the youth fellowship leader/preacher (a nice compassionate and understanding woman), Joanne, gave me this huge heck of a book. It was a book of the entire Narnia series combine together. Whoa, I was very surprised cause it's such a...well big and incredible book. The size of a dictionary or a Bible with all the six stories in it, now that's incredible.

 

SO yeah, I've been happy this weekend so far. The only thing that's still poking in the eye is my biology homework...damn that shit...well that's all for now. I'll post pictures of the baptismal of A.C. along with all of us later on when I have time. Until then, please deal with what I have so far and take the time to appreicate all this that I have typed up. :) Thanks, later guys.

 

EDIT: By the way, today (Sunday, Dec 10) I went to church and I got this belated present from the church's youth group. It's a CD from...i dunno, a Christian band or soemthing. Nonetheless, take a look at the pic of the CD below and you'll understand. Also I've posted up all the pics of Angel Camille Dangaran's baptism, just take a look at the album of the same name in the pictures section. :-)

The Day After the Second of December...

Okay, my birthday has passed but I would just like to add a few things what happened about yesterday.
 First of all, I just noticed that I didn't cry yesterday. Because before I thought that I would cry for sure because that's what I do to myself every year and that maybe I'll cry harder this year because I would feel like a bigger failure, but i didn't. Perhaps my plan with not doing anything at all so that nothing would be created, worked and I didn't really felt anything too bad that hurt me that much...not sure if that's a good thing or not.

 You know, before i had a thought that I would do be able to do something with the person i have a crush on whom i would see for sure on that day. Perhaps I would be able to hold that person for once in a personal way instead of a playfully way while I break down on that person. But that didn't happen, nothing happen. Oh well...quite honestly, I'm starting to lose my feelings for that person because they're not worth my excessive concern...forget what you've just read.

 As for a conclusion on what happened to me yesterday. Like I said before, in the morning, parents were at work and I looked after the kids for a short while before dropping them off at some place. THen I bought my own personal presents. THen went to my youth fellowship which is on every saturday and that was good because we always get good discusion and you can discuss anything and you would feel comfortable about it. :) Then I stayed over at my friend's place. We stayed up the whole night using our own seperate computers. But that gave me time to catch up on certain things I missed anyways. Anyways, we stayed up the whole night...well I did slept for a hour in between during the night, so yeah,lol. not all the way. Today, I come home and I get $500 HKD/$76.9 CAD/$63 USD from each my stepdad and my mom as a birthday present. :? SO altogether I get $1000 HKD/$153.85 CAD/$125 USD for my birthday this year. Oh well, still something and not too much of big deal to fuss over. And money is always good. *weak smile and shrugs* SO yeah.

How did you guys do? :)

Well for those of you who don't know...today is my 16th birthday. To be honest with you, I'm not very happy with it and myself and I chose to ignore it, avoid it, and didn't do any celebrations whatsoever. It's very complicated to explain why I feel this way, so here goes.

I'm upset about my birthday. FOr those that really know me, they would know that I do this every year when it comes to my birthday. But it's especially more of a big deal this year because I'm turning 16. I'm feeling upset because I hate to face the fact that I am once again, another year older and I still haven't made the best of my life. Heck, I've already past my childhood and half of my teenage, and when I look at myself I feel like a sorry ass because I've done nothing significant in my life whatsoever. All the things that people have and do as a youth, I don't seem to experience that. I hate to face the fact that I've gone through another year with nothing. I especially feel bad about myself that I'm still in this place which I don't like. I expected a lot, a couple of years ago, I really thought that things would be looking up by the time I turn 16 and what? Here I am, being the same sorry miserable ass I've been all along. Yes, I am upset.

Today I didn't do anything particularly special for my birthday today, I just did the usual thing I would do at the average Saturdays. I chose not to celebrate. I also chose to avoid my family as much as I can throughout the day because I know they would do something for me and I don't want them to do anything for me whatsoever. As a matter of fact, right now I'm staying over at my friend's place, who doesn't know that it's my birthday until he heard about it later on. Why do I torture myself like so? Because I don't want to be disappointed. I really did expected a lot on this day, I really wanted to have a unforgottable time...I was thinking that I would be able to have the time of my life, that things would finally look up for me and that I could have a party and a blast to make up for whatever negative feelings I used to have my birthday. Either that, or I do absolutely nothing. I don't want just some ordinary celebration, I want to feel good about myself and my life for the first time in my teenage years. So I chose to do nothing whatsoever so that I wouldn't be disappointed, besides this would be a good way to remember my 16th birthday...doing nothing.

However, I added something my usual Saturday schedule. Today before I went to the youth fellowship I go every Saturday, I bought a few things to try to make myself happy, kinda like giving myself presents since my monthly allowance just came out yesterday. I dropped by a department and bought myself a Gameboy Advance Game, Spyro-something (there's so many Spyro games), damn it's been so long since I've got a new game. The last time I got a new game was like 4 years and a half. Ever since I've left "home", I've kinda stopped updated my gaming world, mostly because the games here are so expensive. But the game I bought today was comparitively cheap, so yeah. Also I bought a CD, Billy Talent - II, a band I recently started to like. (Go Canada and us Canadians! :D) So yeah...and you people, I'm kinda upset how none of you remembered me. :( But it's alright, I deliberately did it that way, I even turned out my myspace birthday alerts so that no one would know. Just to see who remembers me and if not, then continue doing it alone...Oh well, I guess that's just the way things are. I hope everyone else is having a much better time, unlike me.

Some songs in my playlist to describe how I feel:
Fall to Pieces - Avril Lavigne
Welcome to My Life - Simple Plan
Mad World - Gary Jules
Empty Handed - Michelle Branch
Somewhere I Belong - Linkin Park