NOTE: what's up with all these titles people use, "Confessions of a...<insert word here>"? i mean, seriously...

 About a couple of days ago, during my Anthro-/Socio-/Psycho-logy class, we watched a news documentary on the connection between teenagers, society and the Internet, with both the aspects of positive and negative values towards it being mentioned and I have to say that I was proven guilty because of all that was mentioned, I'm part of that community. I have an online life in which I express myself a little bit more than usual and do things that are not as visible in my real life. But speaking from a perspective on the inside, I acknowledge the harms of it and I do see it happening on me sometimes despite how hard it is to stop. But let me just say that half of the reason why i'm like this is because all the shit that happened in my life (not online) have deteriated parts of my social skills and life (too many to name, but for those who have known me long enough, you'd know my grandma played a certain role in that while I was with her majority of the time between ages 4-8). But the other half of the reason is that even if I open up, not a lot of people would care for what I would have to say or want to do, or perhaps even accept. And believe me, I'm pretty real for the most part and I hardly hide away. However, when one feels like there's simply not enough support or care in their real life, such as myself, I'd resort to my online life to obtain more of that. You might say it's an overdue break from reality.
 After the video, when we had an open discussion on our thoughts about it, most people were in agreement of the negative factors and the general opinion swayed towards that. Therefore, I didn't know what to say because I felt somewhat guilty cause I know all about it. But then another thought was going through my head afterwards...who else in the room felt the same way as I did and had nothing else to say or, like the video was describing, would mask themselves and do/say something different in real life as oppose to their real selves?
 In conclusion, I just have to ask, is the problem in ourselves or is society ALSO part of the problem? All these expectations and wants...Then again, in the end, WE ALL WEAR MASKS! Some masks are more self-reflecting, some are more deceiving, some chose to wear their masks, some were forced to wear them. One way or the other, we're never always what we seem with these masks we wear, even when we look at ourselves sometimes. There can be a lot of beauty and hideosity behind that mask...in the face of the human race, in the face of every individual's inner self.

Well as if I'm not exposing myself enough on the net already, just wanted to update on what my last entry about my new place. well the new windows are installed, and with that, I definitely feel a lot more at home. so now I have decorated my room and everything with my room is done and set in motion. I said I'd post up some pics...here we go, from all four corners of my room. whatcha think? any more room for improvement? (just notice a pun within, lol)

and report cards came out just a week or two ago. so far I'm doing alright, most of my marks are above average...except for math! 13% below average, damn...and don't give me the asian stereotype cause screw that, lol! anyways, to explain some of the stuff on my report card, "Anthropo" stands for "Introduction to Anthro-/Socio-/Psycho-logy" (best class), and "Funct & Rel" stands for "Math - Functions and Relations". If it wasn't for Math, my overall average would be 80! so screw math, especially imaginary numbers, lol. That's all for now.

...4 days left...

Hey it's been quite a while since I've updated, my apologizies. But the very reason why i haven't been able to update was because I've been extremely busy with all that has happened in life. So now I'm back in "real" high school, finally back in Canadian schools. As for how I'm doing in school, well I'm glad to be back in this school system and i love it and it's great. I'm in Grade 11 now because back in HK, they dropped me a grade cause I was a foreign student. If they didn't, I would have graduated by this year. But then I didn't want to wind up in Grade 12, at the last year of school, only to get use to things before I graduate and have everything pass by and start all over, without fully knowing what happened, so I chose to be in Grade 11. The only problem I have is blending in. Let's see, I haven't been back in 6 years, and I'm in the new kid in school and around the neighbourhood, I know nobody and I'm a nobody to everyone, I'm in Grade 11, so most of everyone knows each other already, and to make things worse, I miss the first week of school, meaning I missed intro to things. Allow me to explain, back when I was trying to register into a school, I faced certain problems in doing so. One, scools were closed during the sumer, as well as portions of the school board. Two, i did a lot of phone tagging before I got to  a department that could answer my questions. Three, the department was giving me a hard time given my situation (being away for 6 years, living on my own, etc.). So those are the reasons why I was late for school. I know I would enter since I'm Canadian, but it's just that missing the first week and the amount of time that took to get thing done frustrates me, that's all. As for the blending in problem, I've already told you some of the reasons - being new and etc. Another part of the reason is that I feel like it's my fault...I know if it's because I've away for too long or something, but I'm having a problem in reaching out to people and get to know them. I'm kinda drawn back and I'm not usually like this, but for some reason, I'm being all shy and quiet these days. And I'm so worried that I might be considered as another stereotypical dorky asian. I know it's all in my head and that usuaully it's more of a matter of how you see yourself than outerhs seeing you, but I dunno...it's screwed, the more I fuss about it, the more I'm being one, but I can't help it, ugh! Let's hope I'll be smart enough to stop being such a dork of front of people. Now don't get me wrong, school's good and in Canada, where there are lots of diversities, I'm not considered weird or frown upon, it's just that since I hardly have any friends and I don't fit into any cliques, I'm just afraid that pretty soon, school would become...mediocore...but I'm working on it. It's been 2 months now and I'd say I'm very slowly making progress. Except it's so slow that sometimes I wonder.....But otherwise, for academics in school, I'm doing moderately well. It's like the stock market, occassional ups and downs, and like the stock market, it's really intensive to look at my progress reports and how they're going up and down, lol. I'm taking Biology, Intro to Anthropo-/Socio-/Psycho-logy (perfect for me since I've always wanted to get into something related to humanities, especially psychology in university), Philosophy, and Math. I can't tell you what I'm gonna take for next semester since I'm still not sure and would definitely switch some of my course, but I can tell you I'd definitely have English (mandatory, duh; well, I like English anyways, so yeah), lol.

And yes, for those of you who still haven't got it yet, I'm on my own (shouldn't be telling you all this, but what the hell...). Remember how I mentioned something about my parents finally allowing me to come home by myself first. So yeah, i'm pretty much settled now. Let me tell you a short story (it won't be too long, hehe). When I was looking for a place to rent (Grandma's in senior apartment, can't live with her, and she's also in the city...I want to settle in the suburbs, more stable...trust me, I lived almost throughout the GTA (Greater Toronto Area), I know my city), I found a posting on craigslist for a furnished basement for $625 (that gives you an idea of the rent in GTA), i sent them a response and they replied that someone had their eye on it but haven't made up their mind yet, so I could or could not get it. It seem like a decent place and I really liked it, but in the interest of time (since this all happened during middle-end of August and I have to settle by September), I moved on. I found a second place, which is where I am living at right now, a furnished room with everything, that's $600. But places are nice and the owners seems nice, except I personally preferred a whole basement all to myself rather than just a room with bathroom (not attached btw). Just when I settled a deal with the second place, I hear a reply from the first place the next day saying that the guy ahead in line was a fraud and that they are willing to accept me if I want to move in...what perfect timing. What would you call this...irony or Murphy's Law...or a bit of both? And knowing that the rule of irony or Murphy's Law was being in effect, I couldn't dropped the deal from the second place and go for the first place cause if I screw it up with the first place, i'd lose both. So I just accepted the situation that has happened already...which was real hard since I liked the first place more, but...at least the location of the place where I'm living now (the second place) is more ideal than the first (the first was closer to the city boundaries, so that's not too good...though at the same time, it would also mean I wouldn't need to take the suburb transit AND the city transit, but rather JUST the city transit whenever I need to get around or visit my grandma...meh). So yeah, that's all, but I'm doing good here, except for the fact that my window's still not properly fixed yet, we're still waiting for the custom-made windows to come in. I'd post some pics once the windows come in and I feel comfortable enough to truly make myself comfortable (I made myself comfortable enough, but not fully comfortable yet because i know that when people come to fix my window, there's gonna be dust, shoesmarks and all and I can't be bother to fix everything again, so yeah). But isn't that awesome? On my own, with my own place, still supported by my parents (they pay for rent, and most of everything, though I have to be careful with spending their money cause it's HKD to CAD and I don't want to be too much of a burden on them :( ...), and in high school. The only thing that's missing is my teenage social life in high school here and once I get that going...yeah. :D

Hmmm...what else...oh, I got my driver's licence! Or rather my learner's permit. In Ontario, once you reach 16, you can apply for your licence. First you get a G1 licence, which is a learner's permit, where you take only a written test, and then you can only drive when there's another person with at least 4 years driving experience beside you, in the front seat at all times, and cannot drive between 12-5am. Then after 8-12 months, you can apply for your G2, which is a probitionary licence and you can get that after you pass a driving test and then you'd be able to do most of everything a full-licence driver does. And then after another 12 months, you can apply for your G licence, a full licence, once you pass another driving test and yeah. But nonetheless, I'm excited that I finally got my card despite how it took me a while, but yeah. :D But anyways, here's what mine looks like:

(btw, i'm not actually 175 cm, it's just that when the register asked me how tall I am, i was like "i don't know...maybe 175?", not that i come to thnk about it, I should be more like 177; and yes, i know I look like shit >_<)

So that basically ends our post here, can't think of much of what else to say, but yeah, that's all. I feel bad that it took me so long to post this up, again, been either too busy or too lazy after all the work, lol. But before I go, I'd like to dedicate this post to a significant day today...Remembrance Day, a day of remembrance and appreication to peace after all the wars the world has been through (google it up if you don't know, but in Canada it has always been a big deal, where almost everyone wears a poppy, you would notice those poppies on Canadian newscasters).

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.